Barney's Theories

BARNEY STINSON’S LEGENDARY THEORIES!

• The freeway theory

Relationships are like a freeway. Freeways have exits, so do relationships. The first one, my personal favorite, is 6 hours in. You meet, you talk, you have sex, you leave while she’s in the shower. The next exits are 4 days, 3 weeks, 7 months, then a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit, death. Which, if you’ve been with the same woman all your life, it’s like ‘are we there yet’?

• Hot/crazy scale

The Hot/Crazy Scale is a graph used to display someone's hot-to-crazy ratio.
As Barney explains in How I Met Everyone Else, a person is allowed to be crazy, as long as they are equally hot. Ideally, you want your date to be above the diagonal line, indicating that they are hotter than they are crazy.
The diagonal line is known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal by Barney, after a girl he dated who jumped back and forth across the line by shaving her head, then losing ten pounds, then stabbing Barney with a fork and finally getting a boob job.



The bottom-right corner of the scale is dubbed the Shelly Gallebsy zone by Barney, after another girl he dated who fell into that area after gaining twenty pounds and trying to kill him with a brick.
Barney explains the Hot-Crazy scale to the gang after Ted introduces them to Blah Blah, his crazy girlfriend at the time.

• Barney's Theory About World Peace

So I explained to her, I said Madeleine every single international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension.

“Every international conflict?” - Ted

Every single one, Dude.

“So the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by…” - Ted

Gaza Strip-pers, next!

“Apartheid?” - Ted

Apart-thighs, what else you got?

“The Cold War?” - Ted

Mrs. Gorbachev, take down those pants.

- Barney Stinson

"Benefits"

How I Met Your Mother

• The cheating theory

Schooling Ted on the rules of cheating: “Open your brain tank, bro, ’cause here comes some premium 91-octane knowledge. There’s three rules of cheating:

 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married.

 2. It’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels.

 3. And it's not cheating if she’s from a different area code. You’re fine on all three counts.”

• The cheerleader effect

The cheerleader effect = a group of woman who seem hot but are only as a group.Like cheerleaders; they seem hot but individually, sled dogs.

• How To Keep A Girl From Becoming Your Girlfriend

How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend?
Simple...
The rules for girls are the same as the rules for gremlins.

“Gremlins?” - Ted

Gremlins.

Rule Number 1 - Never Get Them Wet.
In other words don’t let her take a shower at your place.

Number 2 - Keep them away from sunlight,
i.e. don’t ever see them during the day.

And Rule Number 3 - Never feed them after midnight.
Meaning she doesn’t sleep over
and you don’t have breakfast with her.
EVER.

“What about brunch? Is brunch cool?” - Ted

No Ted, brunch is not cool.

- Barney Stinson

"Definitions"

How I Met Your Mother

Say which is your favourite one and tell us if we forget your best one :)